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I ended the craziness by logging off the site completely.I didn’t tell him I was leaving, and I didn’t ask him to, either. I did this because left to my own devices, I was untrustworthy.You might think checking in on him online isn’t that big a deal.And to be honest, it’s not…when you’re looking at the ones you don’t like that much. It’s one of the things that drives women away from online dating and drives off potential partners, as well.

Ross had hoped that The process of selecting and securing a partner, whether for conceiving and rearing children, or for enhancing one’s socioeconomic standing, or for attempting motel-room acrobatics, or merely for finding companionship in a cold and lonely universe, is as consequential as it can be inefficient or irresolute.

(Says the woman who paid by the month for the privacy option on Ok Cupid. You can start by printing out or downloading his profile.

I write what I know.) My friend Leslie had a brilliant perspective on the topic. I’ve never read a man’s email, checked his phone, or looked up anything on him. I have to give mad props to my girl Leslie for her brilliant insight and teaching me some dating 101. Not that it was any less tempting, mind you, but once I saw his profile as his personal business, I saw it for what it was: an integrity issue. That way, you have your very own file on your hard drive or desk for your handy reference whenever you need to remember if he said he likes sushi or Mexican (or want to take a peek and his pics again).

When you go online and you see he’s not connecting with you—worse, that he’s connecting with other women—the only person you’re hurting is yourself (and your self-esteem).

Hopping online for a drive-by is not kind to your spirit, and in doing so, you lose your capacity to be your best self when you’re with him.

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